“9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
This time of year brings a flurry of new aspirations and New Year resolutions. Thoughts drift to creating a better you, a slimmer body, or new lease on life that will catapult you into the coming months. Possibly you’re desired transformation is from a dark place and comes with a higher cost. Perhaps you must stop using pornography, mend a broken relationship, emotionally heal or surrender a physical addiction. The list could go on and on. Recently, I’ve been wondering why God created us as He did. We seem to have this fascination for self-improvement. So we attempt to modify and change ourselves, often failing miserably at the task. Any change we perform comes from the head, not the heart. This “pull ourselves up by our bootstraps” attitude rarely amounts to much behavioral modification in the long haul.
We are incredibly broken people with quirks, anxiety, attention deficit disorders, controlling natures, and various mental proclivities. I weary of my personal quirks. I grow tired of fighting my heart, but also struggling with my head. (Ps. 139:23) The heart is where the change needs to occur. “The heart is the source of motives, the seat of passions, the center of the thought processes, and the spring of conscience.” (S.G.F Brandon, 1967) Realizing that you are broken with a heart that is depraved and deceitful (Jer. 17:9) is the first step in renewing your mind so change can occur. The heart is the center where the Holy Spirit will act to regenerate and continue the progressive work of God centered sanctification. (Ezek. 11:19)
I exhaust myself pleading with God to “fix” me, so I try to do it on my own. Perhaps the better answer is I confess my brokenness and repent of it. Repentance is the rejection of sin, a commitment to abandon it, and an action to follow Jesus Christ. (2 Corinthians 7:9-10) While outward appearances lead us to believe following Christ is easy, the truth of the matter is, it challenging. Culture continues to close in modern day Christians making the inward personal struggle to follow Christ a very lonely place. Where is God when we cry out in pain that no one sees from the outside? He is there. The Holy Spirit is the comforter that walks along side, and will be present with you during your darkest hours. (John 14:16)
“2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” (Isaiah 43:2)
Jonathan Edwards (1703 –1758) was a 17th century Christian preacher and theologian. Early in his life he wrote a series of personal resolutions in his diary. Edwards’s hoped that these resolutions would serve him as a reminder of spiritual principles to live his life by. While each statement said something about how he wanted to change his heart and mind, there was a focus on the eternal that would do us well to remember now. I consider these below my favorites from Edwards writing.
• “Resolved, never to lose one moment of time, but to improve it in the most profitable way I possibly can.”
• “Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.”
• “Resolved, to examine carefully and constantly, what that one thing in me is, which causes me in the least to doubt of the love of God; and so direct all my forces against it.”
The anxieties in this life only matter for a short period of time and no doubt, our brokenness is frustrating. Strive for self-improvement, but complete this task in a way that is God honoring and works towards the One who knows your heart. When you ask for forgiveness the Holy Spirit will come. (Matthew 6:8-13) Place trust not in your effort, but in work and effort of Christ. Live fully, knowing you’re broken with the full assurance that Jesus paid the debt for your sin, quirks, anxiety, controlling nature, and all other personal characteristics you may be trying to change. (Galatians 2:20) Stop exhausting yourself and place your trust in Jesus, the one who knows how broken you are. Perhaps this is his task to complete, not yours…
“10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. 11 Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.” (Psalm 51:10-12)
Brandon, S. G. F. (1967). Jesus and the zealots. New York: Scribner’s.